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Chaos, pandemonium, a literal circus… this is how most moms describe bedtime. But if you’re anything like me, you want your evenings to be easy and peaceful. But with a 3, 4 or 5-year-old running around, peace is usually the farthest thing from your reality. Let’s change that!
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We love acronyms at Awesome Little Sleepers. So, here’s an actionable acronym to help you make bedtime more peaceful so you can get your kid sleeping with ease. Each of the 5 steps spell out PEACE.
PEACE:
P rep
E arly bedtime
A ttention
C onsistent
E arn reward
Believe it or not, bedtime can be calm, predictable, and even enjoyable. Follow these 5 simple steps, and you’ll have your little one snoozing more peacefully in no time.
PREP
Kids do best when they know what to expect. The better you prep your child for bedtime, the easier it will become, like muscle memory. Keep to the same routine every night and the stalling will fall away.
A great starting point is to involve your child in creating a bedtime routine that includes activities they enjoy. Write out the step-by-step bedtime routine onto a chart and tape it on the wall. If bedtime gets off track as time goes on, it’s okay to change the routine. You don’t have to stick with the same bedtime routine forever. As kids grow older, revisiting and updating the bedtime routine is a great way to establish clear boundaries.
For instance, if your child frequently asks for a third book at bedtime and it’s creating tension, address it the next day. You might say, “Honey, I’ve noticed you keep asking for a third book at bedtime. If you’d like to add another book, we’ll need to remove something else to make room for it. Would you prefer to skip singing our songs instead?” Offering them a choice and involving them in the decision-making process can create a more peaceful routine.
EARLY BEDTIME
As the evening ticks later and later, kids' sleep drive increases. There will be a perfect window of time where your child is optimally tired and ready to fall asleep.
How do you identify this time? By watching the clock and their sleep cues. Some of these signs can be quite sneaky and your child may simply get quiet, become disinterested in playing, twirl their hair, yawn, or even get hyper. You probably recognize which one your kid does!
We have a saying when it comes to infant sleep: “Perfect timing produces no crying.” I think it works for big kids sleeping, too. When you get the timing right, bedtime is much more peaceful.
The goal is for kids under 6 to be asleep before 8pm, which means bedtime will be between 6:30 and 7:45 depending on their age.
ATTENTION
If anyone knows how to push our buttons, it’s our kids! I don’t know how it works… but I swear by the time they’re about 6 months old, they’re smarter than us!
It’s important to watch how you use your attention in the evening and during the bedtime process. Remember, your attention is like a watering can and your child’s behavior is like a seed. Every time you give your attention to a certain behavior, it will help it grow.
So, if your child is running around the house evading bedtime, don’t chase them. That’s a game. Instead, talk to them in advance and set up a consequence for that behavior. “If you run away from Mommy at bedtime, I’m not going to chase you anymore. I’m going to wait for you in your room and I’ll count to 3. If you are not in the room by the time I get to 3, you won’t be able to XYZ (watch TV tomorrow, play with your Spiderman toy, go to the park).”
Here’s where you have to stick to your guns! Be ready to get to “3” the first night and to enforce the consequence. Just like any new boundary you set to help improve your family dynamic, kids may not believe you at first. They will test it. That’s okay. Just don’t do the whole counting slowly or saying “two and a half” - that only degrades your parental authority. After a few days, the chasing will stop and bedtime will become much more peaceful.
CONSISTENT
Kids will be better prepared and better behaved when they know what to expect. That’s why most preschools have visual guides on the wall for each day’s plan. Each child’s lunchbox goes in the same spot. Each child naps in the same spot. Elementary schools often have assigned seats in the lunchroom, so kids get used to who they sit with. They often sit at the same desk every day. Having this routine makes kids feel safe. They know an adult is in charge.
If they showed up at school assigned to a random classroom each day with different kids and no schedule, with teachers just barking out random activities, it would be chaotic! Not to mention stressful. Think of your evenings like an organized preschool classroom with each step planned out. It could be as simple as ‘play time after school, dinner, watch a show, bath and then bedtime.’
EARN REWARD
Some parents don’t like rewards. They think of them as bribes, which feels unsustainable. I agree that we don’t want our kids to do things ONLY to earn a reward. We want them to do things because they should follow rules and do what we say. Sure - that would be great. But if that’s not working for you, I think of rewards as a great way to jumpstart new behaviors.
The key with this approach is that the reward is temporary.
When we’re working to change habits that may have been in place for a while, it can be tough for kids to understand. It’s not always an easy process. That’s why I love rewards as a way to help encourage kids and build up their pride and confidence.
You know you’ve hit the parenting jackpot when you are able to set boundaries for your kids and as they learn to follow them, they actually feel proud of themselves! This is exactly what I teach families how to do in my sleep course, Sleep Tight Without a Fight. Learn more at AwesomeLittleSleepers.com/sleeptight